Understanding

Shortly after David was diagnosed with mid to low functioning autism I used to to get a little miffed when people would say things like "God would've never given you an autistic child if he didn't know you could handle it ".

Wait. Was I supposed to be "thankful" that my son was given a dibilitating condition just because *I* could handle it. Heck, give *me* the whammy, not my son, if you don't mind. Never mind the fact that I've seen parents that couldn't handle being parents even under the best of circumstances.

Still there was some truth to those statements and I knew it.

When I was a little boy, a little younger than David is now, I had a friend, Corey, who lived next door. We played together frequently and he had some kick-arse toys, including, what I thought was a *cherry* rocking horse. I loved the rocking horse so much that I asked my parents for one. I was told that I was too old for this particular magical rockin' steed.

Too old ? How could this be ? Corey was a year older than me. Now I was no math whiz but something wasn't right there.

Later on I saw Corey sweeping the sidewalk in his underwear to avoid a bath that his Mom was trying to get him to take. It was then that I started to understand that something very different was going on next door.

Clearly, there was a horrific monster in their bath tub ! As a high-strung easily traumatized child I asked my Dad about it. One never knows if a monster can traverse from tub to tub and wasn't in a hurry to find out. I approached the subject cautiously trying to avoid any mention of monsters.

My Dad explained to me that Corey had Down's Syndrome. I'm not sure if my Dad described it as such. He may have used a word I tend to bristle at now. He certainly didn't use the truncated version of that word that I have a much more visceral reaction to. ( A subject for another time. ) My Mom had a brother who was so severely mentally handicapped that he "had" to be institutionalized and as such I know my parents would have never intentionally used a pejorative term for a mentally challenged person.

We moved away a little while after Corey's behavior was "explained" to me but I know we played together after I knew of his condition. I probably I didn't look at him quite the same way but I knew one thing. I sure liked him a lot.

So it was that growing up I never thought making fun of the mentally disabled was *ever* appropriate. I've tried to always dissuade people from such behavior particularly the use of certain words. I've always tried to be supportive , patient and understanding of those with special needs.

So I *guess* that means that I was ,in fact, an ideal candidate to parent a child with a disability and I have to admit now that the thought of it being preordained doesn't bother me at all. You see Corey taught me well . More than that my beautiful son taught me what life and love are all about.

Thank you, Corey, wherever you are.